Laser Eye Surgery

Ewww. But tee hee.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Ah, Boris.

Boris, Boris, Boris. Do try to do your homework first. Or else you'll only go around saying that documents don't exist when they do, and you had access to them, if only you'd noticed.

Also, statements such as

"these are going to be the most wonderful Olympics in history, since 753BC or
whenever it was that they kicked off".

sound rather less endearing in print, and rather more idiotic. This is why I was happy to see you on political comedy shows, and not running my city.

Ginger's Beauty Tips

Ok, I'll admit it, for all my optimism about future academic/career directions, it's hard not to feel like a little bit of a loser having dropped out of my PhD, particularly when you look around at peers doing Proper Grown Up Things^TM like getting married, buying places to live, having decent career progression etc. And yes, chinks in my armour are starting to appear, resulting that for the first time ever I recently came away from a look in the mirror thinking - hmm, wrinkles.

Nonetheless, I shall endeavour to resist a wholesale submission to the beauty industry that would like to plant insecurities in my head to encourage me to part with my cash. To help you do the same, I hereby offer you two of my top secret beauty tips:

1. Enlarged pores? Don't stand so close to the mirror.
2. Puffy, tired looking eyes? Stop reading about eye creams online and go to bed.

My work here is done.

What goes "Ha Ha Ha" *thump*?

No, not a man laughing his head off, as the old joke goes. Rather, a man about to be arrested for discovering that a little laughter can be a dangerous thing.

So, Chris Cocker from Blackburn was watching Have I Got News for You one evening when a particularly funny joke made him laugh so hard that he fell off his sofa. No big deal, one might think, until the Police turned up and arrested him. The noise of his amused collision with the floor had attracted a neighbour's attention, who believed he had collapsed, and phoned the police (quite why he didn't call for an ambulance no one seems to have mentioned). When the police turned up at Mr Cocker's door, the latter was initially helpful, but as the police became more insistent about being let in to check that things were ok, Mr Cocker became more obstreperous. With the eventual outcome being a dousing of pepper spray and a night in a police cell.

You really couldn't make it up, could you? Just as well events didn't take a turn for the worse, or else he could have become a prime candidate for a Darwin Award.

A Political Twist

Well, quite an eventful couple of days in UK politics. Firstly, the Government narrowly wins a vote to increase the number of days terror suspects can be imprisoned without charge, partly thanks to what some regard as Brown almost bribing DUP members to back him. That a political leader in trouble should go to such lengths to secure a successful vote it perhaps not surprising.

But what happened today was. David Davis, the shadow Home Secretary, resigned not just from the shadow cabinet, but as an MP, in order to protest against the result, and to trigger a by-election on the issue. It's a move that is being hailed as 'unprecedented' in UK politics, and seems to be as much a shock for his party and leader as it has been for the government and the media.

Personally, although my voting habits are firmly to the left (which does not necessarily mean Labour these days), I've got to applaud Mr Davis for taking such a stand. His actions, alongside those Labour cabinet ministers who were willing to resign their posts over the Hybrid Embryo vote, demonstrate that successful politicians don't necessarily lack integrity. He has an awful lot to lose - even if he wins back his seat there will be no guarantee that he'll be warmly welcomed back - there is some suggestion that this is likely to seriously displease David Cameron for bringing into turmoil what has been a recent increase in the popularity of his party. But sometimes you've just got to take that kind of risk if you really care about something.

It'll be the first time in my life I'll be willing a Tory candidate to win an election!

Procrastination

Just seen this on The Culture Show. If you need to procrastinate, watch this video by Johnny Kelly:

I love the idea of colour-coding your shelves.

Ginger is no longer in a relationship with her PhD

"The time has come," the Walrus said,

"To talk of many things:

Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax--

Of cabbages--and kings--

And why the sea is boiling hot--

And whether pigs have wings.

And why Ginger has taken the slightly dramatic step of quitting her PhD."

-Lewis Carroll (and others)

Yep, that's right. Your blogging hostess is officially a PhD drop-out.

I realise that, from the perspective of my blog, this might seem like a bit of a bolt from the blue. Sure, I've had the odd grumble, but mostly I've kept my disgruntlement to myself. But trouble has been a-brewing for a while now, and recently I made the big decision to call time on my research project. Without wanting to go all 'group therapy' on you, I thought I might use my blog as a way of offering an explanation. Not least because I found Googling 'Quitting a PhD' quite a helpful way of seeing what other people's experiences of this kind of situation had been before I made my final decision.

So, where to start? Well, I entered into my project with the best of intentions, and the desire to see it through to the end. And it's not like I went into it blind - I'd already worked at the lab in question for 10 weeks before I committed myself, as well as gaining lab experience elsewhere. And things were fine to begin with. I had the newbie enthusiasm, the naively optimistic 'get back on the horse' attitude to the odd experiment that failed here and there. But as time went on, things began to unravel. A bit of extracurricular reading introduced me to the existence of a different field which got me far more intellectually and emotionally fired up than the one in which I was working. I began to realise that, post-PhD, I'd rather work in that field and cease lab work altogether. I still remained committed to seeing it through though.

But then... well, there were the experiments that failed to work over and over again, gradually eroding my self confidence, and occupying weeks and months of attempts before I finally managed to show that it wasn't actually my fault. The realisation that the technical problems plus the consequent demotivation meant I was at least six months behind schedule. The dread with which I was filled at the thought of carrying this on for another couple of years, and the long hours it would entail, when my heart was no longer in it. And other problems I won't go into on a public forum.

I do appreciate that everyone goes through 'second year blues' where it becomes overwhelmingly apparent that you have no data, and the end is both a bloody long way off, and yet too soon to get everything done. And I don't think that any one of the reasons I cite constitutes, on its own, a need to throw in the towel. However I do think that, in combination, there was a compelling argument for my decision. I did not want to give over a major part of my life for the next 2-3 years to something in which I no longer had any confidence, had lost passion for, and which was no longer directly relevant to my future plans. I have a deeply ingrained 'I'm not a quitter' attitude, but I am beginning to appreciate that sometimes there is virtue in walking away and not flogging a dead microarray.

Something that has surprised me is how much kudos I seem to be getting for making the decision. PhD/science web-fora seem to be full of people saying 'I want to quit, but I don't want to let my parents down' or 'I wish I'd quit a year ago'. I am fortunate in that my family and friends have been supportive of my decision. What came as a surprise was that people seem to view it as a brave step to take. Certainly, I know it's one of the gutsiest decisions I've had to make, but I was fully prepared to have to justify myself and fight against the perception that I was a wuss who didn't have the courage to meet the challenges of a PhD. It's been a pleasant bonus not to be burdened with that label.

Right, having managed to spout cliché after cliché, it's time to get on with the rest of my life...

Quotation of the week

Nicked from a t shirt:

Engineering forsight: An escalator can never break. It can
only become stairs.

Eurovision Live Blog

[Scroll down for the exciting minute by minute account...!]

Going to try a spot of real-time blogging and see if I can match Terry Wogan jibe for jibe.

The Eurovision Song Contest is one of my guilty pleasures. Musically, it really bears little resemblance to the kind of thing I listen to normally, but there's just something about the whole bonkers spectacle that has me hooked. I was out of the country for last year's competition but still managed to persuade my companions to watch pretty much the whole thing on the TV in the hotel lobby. We got some very strange looks.

Who do I think will win? Not a clue. I didn't see the semi finals, so I have no idea what the competition will comprise, save for the fact that Dustin the Turkey (representing Ireland) has been eliminated already. The UK doesn't stand a chance. The three main contenders for our place were all good - Simona had the Euro-quirkiness, Michelle Gayle had all the poppy sparkle of Gina G, and Andy Abraham's song was just good honest soul/pop. But non of them would have finished in the top 10, because whereas we still champion Eurovision as an outlet for camp cheesy goodness, the rest of Europe seems to view it as either (i) a political love-in or (ii) a showcase for allegedly serious music. Which is why, for me, Scooch's catchy-innuendo-laden-naff-costumes-ooh-look-there's-a-cheesy-dance-routine entry last year was absolutely perfect, but the rest of Europe placed it 22nd out of 24.

Ah well. Let the fun commence...

20:01 Terry describes last year's winner as being like a 'badly tempered Jeanette Cranky'. I'd go for a 'Harry Potter gone wrong' myself.

20:03 I really can't imagine the wardrobe department being able to find another use for a dozen 'half-bride-half-groom' costumes. What a waste.

20:07 Having a flesh coloured face mic doesn't disguise it if it's so large it looks like you've dozed off on a bag of cotton wool.

20:09 Romania are going for 'serious and earnest'. Ooh, no they're not, they've suddenly switched to a grittier backing track and a female vocalist. Blimey, this is a messy excuse for a song.

20:11 Not sure I'm totally convinced by their Enrique Iglesis/Carol Vorderman duo either.

20:13 Ooh, it's us! Didn't check the running order.

20:16 Funky, fun, catchy, uplifting and well performed (possibly in one of Cliff Richard's old suits). Doesn't stand a chance.

20:17 Onto Albania. Terry: 'A pleasing view of the first belly button of the evening'. Not totally sure about her tuning, but coming from the country that spawned Jemini, I can hardly criticise. Almighty great wind machine they've got there.

20:20 They might be in with a chance, based on previous years.

20:21 Germany. Going for the Sugababes approach.

20:23 Nice costumes, pretty girls, but - ouch, those harmonies. Not good.

I don't know what's sadder: (i) I'm watching this. (ii) I'm doing so alone (iii) I'm bothering to live blog.

20:24 Armenia. Ah so that's what dancers are for - to enable you to move like a weeble.

20:27 Good Euro-pop. A contender in my book, but I'm not sure if it's too musically reminiscent of where Eurovision was at a few years ago. But a spirited performance.

20:29 Bosnia & Herzegovina. Terry: "Four knitted brides of Frankenstien and a loony with a clothes line." Yep, that sums it up. The kind of thing that gives Eurovision a bad name. Well, worse than usual, anyhow...

20:31 Ah, so that's what Helena Bonham Carter's been up to lately.

20:33 Israel, that well known member of the EU. Written by Dana International, so a good pedigree.

20:35 Disappointingly bland, but ticks enough boxes to be in the running I suppose.

20:37 Finland. Justin Hawkins, who failed to win to UK's contest last year, seems to have moved to Scandinavia. It's not really what I think of when contemplating Eurovision, but then Lordi won it, so who am I to judge?

20:41 Croatia Terry: "Men in hats and a grumpy old man". He really is very old. Actually this isn't bad, in a very European way. But it does remind me strongly of something - can't think what though.

20:43 The grumpy old man rant and the red dancer would probably make a lot more sense if I spoke Croatian. Ah well.

20:45 Poland Terry: "A Polish Lovely whose time has been well spent on a sunbed... you haven't seen teeth like this since the Osmonds."

20:46 On reflection, live-blogging seems a little futile when Terry can deliver such gems. I can't think of anything else to say. MOR ballad, probably forgettably by the end of the night.

20:49 Iceland. Euro techno pop. Cheesy in a safe way. Suitably life-affirming lyrics. Woman wearing a dead ostrich. What more do you want? Probable contender.

20:55 Turkey. Ok, but I'm not sure who it's aimed at. Can't even work out whether it's a love song/political thing/angry rant.

20:56 Female host looks like Cat Deeley in a foil emergency blanket.

20:59 Portugal. Terry: "This is not over when this lady has sung" Meow.

21:01 Not sure about the male backing singers in Karate suits. Very Euro-ballady. Not my cup of tea but could be in with a chance. Ooh, there goes the wind machine again.

21:03 Latvia. Ooh, pirates. Lots of them.

21:04 Brilliant. All the cheesy goodness, catchy hooks, costumes and dancing that Scooch had, but with the added advantage of not being hated by the rest of Europe. All together now: "With a hi hi ho and a hi hi hey we're hoisting a flag to be free...."

21:07 Sweden. Has my telly gone odd or is she in black and white?

21:08 Jocelyn Wildenstein in Gina G's dress. Quite average.

21:10 Terry's commentary on the Danish ident was hilarious. Will have to find it on Youtube.

21:11 Denmark. This is cheery and uncomplicated. Sufficiently uplifting for Eurovision - will it suffer from lack of gimmicks though?

21:14 Georgia. Did one of the backing dancers really have two fingers up at one of her fellows? Bet the singer whips off the sunglasses.

21:16 A call for peace is always a good Euro lyric. I was wrong - the glasses remained but the costumes switched from black to white.

21:18 Ukraine. Terry reckons it's a potential winner. Very visually distinctive from the other entries. Catchy high energy pop. He could be right.

21:21 Female host now sponsored by Interflora

21:23 France Women in fake beards and a golf cart. What every song needs.

21:24 Despite the fact that the French have broken a long held disdain for singing in English, I really cannot tell you what this is all about. Unfathomable.

21:26 Azerbaijan. Men with scary screechy falsetto voices should think carefully before deploying them in a public place.

21:28 They've clearly read the Eurovision manual. Random costumes - check. Gender bending vocals - check. Lots of drama with no plot - check. Not sure it's worked though.

21:31 Greece. Quite poppy, but more in a chart way than a Eurovision way. Ooh, we've suddenly acquired a flower garden. And oh look, a costume change. That's never been done before, no sireee

21:34 Spain are obviously going for the 'if you can't beat them, at least give some of the residents of the asylum a night out' approach. Backing dancers presumably considering this to be an all term career low.

21:36 I think it's supposed to be a spoof. Of something. Not sure what. The 'pretending to be crap' backing dancer is getting a bit annoying.

21:38 Serbia. They like their heartfelt ballads, don't they?

21:42 Russia. Terry makes his first political voting dig.

21:45 Oh my goodness, Terry was right. They really have got Michael Flatley on ice skates.

21:47 Norway Inter-EST-ing diction. Actually, not a bad song, but pretty forgettable compared with a lot of the others.

21:51 Phew! Glad for the break. Looking at the recap, here's my nominations:

Best costume change Georgia
Most Bonkers Bosnia or Spain
Worst Tuning Albania
Good spirited fun - Latvia and Croatia
Hairiest Finland (or France's backing singers)
Most straightforward pop effort Iceland and Greece
Most judicial use of wind machine Albania Portugal
Worst Plastic Surgery Sweden
Happiest ditty Denmark
Trying to tick too many Eurovision Boxes Azerbaijan
Most likely to fail for political reasons UK

And my vote goes to... Croatia, Lativa, Denmark, or Ukraine. Not sure who will actually win though.

22:17 Peculiar Green Room lady seems to have mugged a peacock for its eyelashes.

22:21 Eh? Did I miss something? How come our voting came first? And why do we only get to see the top three placed votes from each country? Surely that goes against the glorious torture of running through every single flipping vote from the 43 countries involved.

I shall have to find out the full score breakdown from the UK. If the glimpse I caught was right, I think Spain managed to get a point out of us. UK viewers are clearly taking this very seriously.

22:26 We're one of only three countries with nul points so far. Go figure.

22:28 Yay! San Merino like us. There had to be someone.

22:33 Disappointed that Russia are doing so well - I thought it was rather bland - all I can remember about it was the ice skater.

22:40 Ok, I know everyone hates us but surely the rubbish that came from Spain and Bosnia does not deserve to come higher than us.

22:51 Turkey have Leticia Dean presenting their points. Still nothing for us. Of the top four I rate Armenia and Ukraine - Russia bored me. Greece was ok, but I don't know what makes it better than everything else.

22:53 I must say, Malta can always be relied on for not being totally caught up in voting for the politically popular countries. They even vote for us some years.

22:54 Ah I love the Irish - they gave us 8 points, and gave their 12 to one of my favourites - Latvia. Good voting, Ireland!

23:01 I've got it! I know what the Latvian entry reminds me of. There's a song called Looking High High High (Looking high, high, high/ Looking low, low, low/Wondering why, why, why/ Did she go, go, go?). Which, through the power of Google, I can now tell you came 2nd in Eurovision in 1960.

Fewer people hated us then. I blame Tony Blair.

23:06 So, Russia have won it with a lead of 42 points. We came last. Eurovision isn't as much fun as it used to be in my youth.

Au revoir Serbia. See you next year Russia.

Breaking News: Prize Winning Author Has Limited Vocabulary.

Obviously, the Nobel Prize winning author, Doris Lessing, has yet to learn the meaning of the word 'no'.

Isn't that what agents are for?