"Stop me oh-a oh stop me..."

Morrissey may have implored listeners to interrupt him if his lyrical meanderings seemed overly familiar, but for some of us, repeated listens to humour set to music aren't a chore.

Watching a recent documentary about comic songs, I couldn't help but notice the frequency with which the participants took on a defensive attitude. It seems that the comedy song is much derided and undervalued. On one hand that is odd to me, as it's a medium of humour I like very much. On the other, I can understand the wariness - whilst a bad Christmas cracker joke might annoy for a few seconds, a bad comedy song has the potential to elicit far more lasting displeasure. I experienced this first hand when I went to a Linda Smith charity benefit gig last year; though the woman herself was very funny, not all of her friends paying tribute were as amusing as they thought they were, and we were subjected to some 'comedy' songs so dire I wondered if I would ever laugh again.

But no matter - we recovered from the trauma eventually. Fortunately there are enough good songs out there to keep me on the writers' side. Given the frequent doom and gloom in the news of late (aka always), I thought it would be nice to wrap up this year (or start the next one, if you're temporally ahead of me) by sharing a small selection of some of my favourites.

So, to kick off, here's 'The Vatican Rag' by Tom Lehrer. As a Good Catholic Girl I should probably heartily disapprove, but it seems to me to neatly summarise a heck of a lot about Catholic practice and is rather funny to boot, so there you go.

Fast forwarding to the 80s, with a rather more earthly subject matter, 'Let's do it' is probably Victoria Wood's most famous song:

Already a hero of mine for his stance on Ginger Pride, Tim Minchin deconstructs romantic destiny in 'If I didn't have you'. The extent to which I find his mathematical analogies amusing may go some way to explaining why I am still single.

Back to this side of the globe, proving that not all the humour has to come from the pros are the Amateur Transplants. I was directed to 'The Anaesthetist's Song' (below) by a friend who aspires to make a career out of knocking people out. They appear to have done plenty of comedy song homework, as their 'Drug Song' pays heavy tribute to Tom Lehrer's 'Elements'.

Picking up on my previous blog post, it seems appropriate to link to one of Mitch Benn's most recent efforts. As a resident on The Now Show he has the (un)enviable task of having to come up with 2-3 songs per episode that reflect the week's news. Here's '(Stay the hell away from) Hallelujah':

And finally to finish with a spot of Bill Bailey. 'Love Song' was one of the highlights of 'Part Troll', and it's a testament to its popularity that when I saw him on his most recent tour, he performed this as an encore and the audience matched him word for word.

I hope that at least some of the above have raised a smile. Happy new year.

A love is not a victory march

The race for the Christmas number one slot was a bit different this year, what with the contest being fought mostly between a TV show winner and a dead guy who has never released a single over here, the result being the same song occupying the top two slots and featuring again further down the chart.

This is what happens when Simon Cowell tries to convey that he has musical discernment. Normally the X Factor winner would be given any old chart fodder for their first single, guaranteed to go to number one. This year, the bizarre decision was taken to use an epic Leonard Cohen song, covered by many, but the definitive version being widely regarded to be Jeff Buckley's from the album Grace.

Now, Grace is among my favourite albums ever, and Hallelujah is one of the high points. So naturally I joined the throngs of those expressing their dismay at the choice. Campaigns began on Facebook to implore people to overthrow the X Factor grip on the charts by getting other versions into the top ten on download sales. In a moment of festive madness, I even decided to join the flashmob planned to fill Trafalgar Square with hundreds of Buckley fans who would all burst into song at a given moment. The reality was rather more muted, as The Times was unfortunately on hand to note, but hey - I guess I can now say that I have sort of featured in a broadsheet newspaper. (In response to the article, I should like to point out that (i) they may have been up to twenty of us at one stage (ii) nobody was taking it particularly seriously (save for one rather intense individual) (iii) it was rather embarrassing when what I presume was the combination of cold and ridiculousness prompted us to all forget the words to the second verse and (iv) no eardrums were irrevocably damaged in the making of the protest, but I can't promise it was entirely melodic either).

Like many who objected to the song choice, I have nothing against Alexandra Burke - I think she has a great voice, seems like a lovely person and I wish her a long and happy career. Nor do I feel that the song is off-limits for covering - Buckley's version was not the last, and nor will Burke's be. For me, what was objectionable about the whole thing was seeing a great song commodified. It wasn't that the winning performer had chosen it because it had always been a favourite of theirs, or that they had performed it earlier in the competition and had their 'breakthrough moment' with it. Rather it seemed a case of, "This is the product, you have to sell it." To take a song loved by so many and to use it in that way rather taints what emotive music is about.

Inevitably, despite their passion, the Buckley fans lost the battle for the top spot. But to get an unreleased version to number two, ahead of another X Factor alumnus was pretty impressive. And perhaps the whole thing will prompt a few more people to give Grace a listen, which is no bad thing. Maybe Cowell will reflect upon the overall response and conclude that his choice was ill-judged. Or maybe he'll be buying the rights to another classic song as we speak...

Jeff Buckley
Originally uploaded by Café du Monde

Eurovision Live Blog

[Scroll down for the exciting minute by minute account...!]

Going to try a spot of real-time blogging and see if I can match Terry Wogan jibe for jibe.

The Eurovision Song Contest is one of my guilty pleasures. Musically, it really bears little resemblance to the kind of thing I listen to normally, but there's just something about the whole bonkers spectacle that has me hooked. I was out of the country for last year's competition but still managed to persuade my companions to watch pretty much the whole thing on the TV in the hotel lobby. We got some very strange looks.

Who do I think will win? Not a clue. I didn't see the semi finals, so I have no idea what the competition will comprise, save for the fact that Dustin the Turkey (representing Ireland) has been eliminated already. The UK doesn't stand a chance. The three main contenders for our place were all good - Simona had the Euro-quirkiness, Michelle Gayle had all the poppy sparkle of Gina G, and Andy Abraham's song was just good honest soul/pop. But non of them would have finished in the top 10, because whereas we still champion Eurovision as an outlet for camp cheesy goodness, the rest of Europe seems to view it as either (i) a political love-in or (ii) a showcase for allegedly serious music. Which is why, for me, Scooch's catchy-innuendo-laden-naff-costumes-ooh-look-there's-a-cheesy-dance-routine entry last year was absolutely perfect, but the rest of Europe placed it 22nd out of 24.

Ah well. Let the fun commence...

20:01 Terry describes last year's winner as being like a 'badly tempered Jeanette Cranky'. I'd go for a 'Harry Potter gone wrong' myself.

20:03 I really can't imagine the wardrobe department being able to find another use for a dozen 'half-bride-half-groom' costumes. What a waste.

20:07 Having a flesh coloured face mic doesn't disguise it if it's so large it looks like you've dozed off on a bag of cotton wool.

20:09 Romania are going for 'serious and earnest'. Ooh, no they're not, they've suddenly switched to a grittier backing track and a female vocalist. Blimey, this is a messy excuse for a song.

20:11 Not sure I'm totally convinced by their Enrique Iglesis/Carol Vorderman duo either.

20:13 Ooh, it's us! Didn't check the running order.

20:16 Funky, fun, catchy, uplifting and well performed (possibly in one of Cliff Richard's old suits). Doesn't stand a chance.

20:17 Onto Albania. Terry: 'A pleasing view of the first belly button of the evening'. Not totally sure about her tuning, but coming from the country that spawned Jemini, I can hardly criticise. Almighty great wind machine they've got there.

20:20 They might be in with a chance, based on previous years.

20:21 Germany. Going for the Sugababes approach.

20:23 Nice costumes, pretty girls, but - ouch, those harmonies. Not good.

I don't know what's sadder: (i) I'm watching this. (ii) I'm doing so alone (iii) I'm bothering to live blog.

20:24 Armenia. Ah so that's what dancers are for - to enable you to move like a weeble.

20:27 Good Euro-pop. A contender in my book, but I'm not sure if it's too musically reminiscent of where Eurovision was at a few years ago. But a spirited performance.

20:29 Bosnia & Herzegovina. Terry: "Four knitted brides of Frankenstien and a loony with a clothes line." Yep, that sums it up. The kind of thing that gives Eurovision a bad name. Well, worse than usual, anyhow...

20:31 Ah, so that's what Helena Bonham Carter's been up to lately.

20:33 Israel, that well known member of the EU. Written by Dana International, so a good pedigree.

20:35 Disappointingly bland, but ticks enough boxes to be in the running I suppose.

20:37 Finland. Justin Hawkins, who failed to win to UK's contest last year, seems to have moved to Scandinavia. It's not really what I think of when contemplating Eurovision, but then Lordi won it, so who am I to judge?

20:41 Croatia Terry: "Men in hats and a grumpy old man". He really is very old. Actually this isn't bad, in a very European way. But it does remind me strongly of something - can't think what though.

20:43 The grumpy old man rant and the red dancer would probably make a lot more sense if I spoke Croatian. Ah well.

20:45 Poland Terry: "A Polish Lovely whose time has been well spent on a sunbed... you haven't seen teeth like this since the Osmonds."

20:46 On reflection, live-blogging seems a little futile when Terry can deliver such gems. I can't think of anything else to say. MOR ballad, probably forgettably by the end of the night.

20:49 Iceland. Euro techno pop. Cheesy in a safe way. Suitably life-affirming lyrics. Woman wearing a dead ostrich. What more do you want? Probable contender.

20:55 Turkey. Ok, but I'm not sure who it's aimed at. Can't even work out whether it's a love song/political thing/angry rant.

20:56 Female host looks like Cat Deeley in a foil emergency blanket.

20:59 Portugal. Terry: "This is not over when this lady has sung" Meow.

21:01 Not sure about the male backing singers in Karate suits. Very Euro-ballady. Not my cup of tea but could be in with a chance. Ooh, there goes the wind machine again.

21:03 Latvia. Ooh, pirates. Lots of them.

21:04 Brilliant. All the cheesy goodness, catchy hooks, costumes and dancing that Scooch had, but with the added advantage of not being hated by the rest of Europe. All together now: "With a hi hi ho and a hi hi hey we're hoisting a flag to be free...."

21:07 Sweden. Has my telly gone odd or is she in black and white?

21:08 Jocelyn Wildenstein in Gina G's dress. Quite average.

21:10 Terry's commentary on the Danish ident was hilarious. Will have to find it on Youtube.

21:11 Denmark. This is cheery and uncomplicated. Sufficiently uplifting for Eurovision - will it suffer from lack of gimmicks though?

21:14 Georgia. Did one of the backing dancers really have two fingers up at one of her fellows? Bet the singer whips off the sunglasses.

21:16 A call for peace is always a good Euro lyric. I was wrong - the glasses remained but the costumes switched from black to white.

21:18 Ukraine. Terry reckons it's a potential winner. Very visually distinctive from the other entries. Catchy high energy pop. He could be right.

21:21 Female host now sponsored by Interflora

21:23 France Women in fake beards and a golf cart. What every song needs.

21:24 Despite the fact that the French have broken a long held disdain for singing in English, I really cannot tell you what this is all about. Unfathomable.

21:26 Azerbaijan. Men with scary screechy falsetto voices should think carefully before deploying them in a public place.

21:28 They've clearly read the Eurovision manual. Random costumes - check. Gender bending vocals - check. Lots of drama with no plot - check. Not sure it's worked though.

21:31 Greece. Quite poppy, but more in a chart way than a Eurovision way. Ooh, we've suddenly acquired a flower garden. And oh look, a costume change. That's never been done before, no sireee

21:34 Spain are obviously going for the 'if you can't beat them, at least give some of the residents of the asylum a night out' approach. Backing dancers presumably considering this to be an all term career low.

21:36 I think it's supposed to be a spoof. Of something. Not sure what. The 'pretending to be crap' backing dancer is getting a bit annoying.

21:38 Serbia. They like their heartfelt ballads, don't they?

21:42 Russia. Terry makes his first political voting dig.

21:45 Oh my goodness, Terry was right. They really have got Michael Flatley on ice skates.

21:47 Norway Inter-EST-ing diction. Actually, not a bad song, but pretty forgettable compared with a lot of the others.

21:51 Phew! Glad for the break. Looking at the recap, here's my nominations:

Best costume change Georgia
Most Bonkers Bosnia or Spain
Worst Tuning Albania
Good spirited fun - Latvia and Croatia
Hairiest Finland (or France's backing singers)
Most straightforward pop effort Iceland and Greece
Most judicial use of wind machine Albania Portugal
Worst Plastic Surgery Sweden
Happiest ditty Denmark
Trying to tick too many Eurovision Boxes Azerbaijan
Most likely to fail for political reasons UK

And my vote goes to... Croatia, Lativa, Denmark, or Ukraine. Not sure who will actually win though.

22:17 Peculiar Green Room lady seems to have mugged a peacock for its eyelashes.

22:21 Eh? Did I miss something? How come our voting came first? And why do we only get to see the top three placed votes from each country? Surely that goes against the glorious torture of running through every single flipping vote from the 43 countries involved.

I shall have to find out the full score breakdown from the UK. If the glimpse I caught was right, I think Spain managed to get a point out of us. UK viewers are clearly taking this very seriously.

22:26 We're one of only three countries with nul points so far. Go figure.

22:28 Yay! San Merino like us. There had to be someone.

22:33 Disappointed that Russia are doing so well - I thought it was rather bland - all I can remember about it was the ice skater.

22:40 Ok, I know everyone hates us but surely the rubbish that came from Spain and Bosnia does not deserve to come higher than us.

22:51 Turkey have Leticia Dean presenting their points. Still nothing for us. Of the top four I rate Armenia and Ukraine - Russia bored me. Greece was ok, but I don't know what makes it better than everything else.

22:53 I must say, Malta can always be relied on for not being totally caught up in voting for the politically popular countries. They even vote for us some years.

22:54 Ah I love the Irish - they gave us 8 points, and gave their 12 to one of my favourites - Latvia. Good voting, Ireland!

23:01 I've got it! I know what the Latvian entry reminds me of. There's a song called Looking High High High (Looking high, high, high/ Looking low, low, low/Wondering why, why, why/ Did she go, go, go?). Which, through the power of Google, I can now tell you came 2nd in Eurovision in 1960.

Fewer people hated us then. I blame Tony Blair.

23:06 So, Russia have won it with a lead of 42 points. We came last. Eurovision isn't as much fun as it used to be in my youth.

Au revoir Serbia. See you next year Russia.

Tribute vs Plagiarism

For starters, a little task for you. If you haven't already see the video produced by the band OK Go where they dance around on treadmills (where have you been?!?), please do so immediately:

Now, I think this gives us an ideal opportunity to consider the classification of types of copying. This, for example, is a lovingly created tribute to the above. This, is a gentle mickey-take of the above. This, however, is a blatent rip-off, and I hope the creators are ashamed of themselves. Or, at the very least, send a royalty cheque to the band. Hmph!

(Oh, and if you enjoyed the original, also check out this video by them - I was delighted that they actually did the routine when I went to see them live. And when you're done, marvel at/be terrified by the number of fans who have seen fit to create their own tributes.)

The day the (independent) music (shop) died...

Gagh! Another loss to music retailing!

Following the recent closure of Fopp it seems that another of my favourite music shops is ceasing to be. Essential Music in Greenwich Market is set to close. It was time for its lease to be renewed, and the management were only offered the option of a 10-year lease, and decided that they couldn't commit themselves to such a long period in a changing marketplace.

Part of the blame has been directed towards internet music sales. The irony for me is that Fopp and Essential Music were pretty much the only places that weren't websites where I would still purchase CDs, having gone off a lot of the other music retailers. In fact a trip to Greenwich Market rarely lacked a visit to Essential Music, and coming away empty-handed was even rarer.

Sigh. Things change I guess. A sad day for independent record sales south of the river.