Making a pig's breakfast...

Sorry I've been a bit quiet lately. I seem to have misplaced my magic blogging dust somewhere along the line, but I spect it'll turn up behind the sofa.

I did start writing a long ranty post the other week about swine flu, and how it was another example of the media distorting the facts for their own agenda. In my view the approach of the WHO and health authorities here was entirely approriate to the situation. The media, meanwhile, seemed to be gagging for panic on the streets.

But as usual, other people are more adept at putting across a message more succinctly. Here is a recent offering from the wonderful PhD comics. (click to enlarge)

So very true.

Good news

It's nice to know that sometimes, just sometimes, there exist stories in the news to which the only possible response is to smile.

News round up

Nowt major, just a couple of things that caught my eye in today's news:
1. The grammar pedants have won, but still might not be happy. Tesco has caved in to pressure from the Lynne Truss brigade to change their express checkout signs from '10 items or less'. But rather than the more grammatically correct, '10 items or fewer' they're going for 'Up to 10 items'.

A spokesman for the Plain English Campaign said:

"Saying up to 10 items is easy to understand and avoids any debate."

Unfortunately, I would beg to differ. '10 items or less', though jarring, is totally comprehensible and unambiguous in everyday speech . 'Up to 10 items' makes me think that perhaps it could mean 9 items or fewer. Did they never learn the difference between the '<' and the '≤' signs in maths? Surely for totally clarity it would have to be 'Up to and including 10 items'. That would make for a very large sign. I think they were better off before.

2. "Farm Pregnancy 'cuts asthma risk.'" I wish that science news editors would be a little more discerning regarding what is 'good, interesting science' and what is 'good, interesting science that is of relevance to the general public'. The discovery that pre-natal exposure to a farm environment may reduce risk of developing asthma in later life is scientifically interesting. It might give clues to immunologists who are trying to develop a better understanding of the basic biology of asthma. I don't, however, think that it is information of great use to anyone else - it's the kind of story that makes you go, 'So what?' What are we supposed to do with that information? Tell pregnant friends to get themselves along to the nearest pigsty? Congratulate rural friends on the likelihood that their future children will have good respiratory health? What exactly?

Ah, Boris.

Boris, Boris, Boris. Do try to do your homework first. Or else you'll only go around saying that documents don't exist when they do, and you had access to them, if only you'd noticed.

Also, statements such as

"these are going to be the most wonderful Olympics in history, since 753BC or
whenever it was that they kicked off".

sound rather less endearing in print, and rather more idiotic. This is why I was happy to see you on political comedy shows, and not running my city.

Breaking News: Prize Winning Author Has Limited Vocabulary.

Obviously, the Nobel Prize winning author, Doris Lessing, has yet to learn the meaning of the word 'no'.

Isn't that what agents are for?

Unequal standards

There have been a few stories in the press recently debating the contrasting media coverage of the respective disappearances of Madeleine McCann and Shannon Matthews. In fact, the differing lengths of their wiki entries probably says it all. There does seem to be compelling evidence for the argument that class has played a part in how eager the press and public have been to respond to these cases.

But there's another element of bias that seems to be going on, highlighted by the murder case of Scarlett Keeling. I can't help but think that if Karen Matthews had left a two year old alone in a flat while she went to have dinner, or a fifteen year old daughter alone in a foreign country (during term time) to be looked after by a male tour guide, she would have been loudly denounced in the media for being a neglectful, unloving mother - her actions being typical of all that is wrong with society.

But, strangely, such comments are rather muted in the press. Do pretty, blonde middle class girls somehow not deserve good parenting? Isn't every missing child of equal value?

Brother Anthony

Deary me, I've been a useless blogger of late.

Anyway - my initial knee-jerk thoughts on Tony Blair becoming a Catholic:

• Weren't we good enough for him when he was PM?
• Is he going to do a U-turn on various issues that rather set him against the RC church's teachings?
• Why is he so special that he was received now? It's traditional for new members to be received, publicly, at Easter. Or...
• ...is this a ploy orchestrated by Alistair Campbell in an attempt to upstage Jesus? ;-)

Sorry, I'm not being very charitable am I? Will try harder.

Dogfight

Apparently, clergy who wear dog-collars out in public are at risk of being attacked, and should remove them when off-duty, according to a study by National Churchwatch.

Now, obviously I don't want clergy (or anyone, for that matter) to be subject to attack, publicly or privately. But I have a few issues with this advice. Firstly, it only serves to play into the hands of aggressors. If somebody is provoked to violence by something like that it says far more about the aggressor than it does the concept of wearing a dog collar. Secondly, it seems to be another example of Christians having to make concessions to secularism when other religious groups aren't; if you replace the words 'clergy' and 'dog-collar' (which in itself is not a very complimentary description of a 'clerical collar') with 'Rabbi' and 'Yarmulke', I would imagine a fair degree of outrage in certain quarters that people were having to take these steps to ensure their safety.

Finally, I would quibble the notion of 'off-duty' clergy. Certainly I think it would be unreasonable for parishioners to harangue their clergy with non-urgent matters in Tescos, but the idea that clergy are ever truly off-duty mistakens religious vocation for shift work. Religious dress can be a signal to other people of adherence to a particular belief system, but it can also be a reminder to oneself of one's commitments.

(And before you ask, I don't think that what I've written there is at odds with my earlier post about abstinence jewellery in schools. Different issue).

Slow progress

BBC NEWS Entertainment Queen star set to hand in thesis

Oooh. Hope for me yet.

Granny knows best - wrap up well.

BBC NEWS UK Call to stop patio heaters sale

And quite right too.

Morrrrny Stannit...

Ah, you've got to admire The Evening Standard's ongoing love of doom. You just know that one of their headline writers cannot wait for the day of the apocalypse, just so they can send out 'The End is Nigh'. In the meantime, however, they have to satisfy themselves with this.

Tiger, Tiger, Burning Bright

Some wonderful bits in this week's Now Show on Radio 4 regarding the attempted terrorists attacks:

SP: Well, we all had a lucky escape this week as Britain was saved from two terrorist attacks by the fact... that it's Britain. First, two would-be bombers failed to remember when attacking Glasgow Airport that it would be full of Glaswegians. People who would have no problem repeated punching a man in the face even while he was on fire.

'Glaswegian': Smoking in a public place, eh? Take that, pal.

SP: And in London, one car bomb was only discovered because a drunk clubber fell down some stairs, while a second car bomb was towed away by traffic wardens for being illegally parked. The situation couldn't be more British if Michael Caine was standing outside Glasgow Airport, shouting: 'You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!'

---

SP: Amidst all the fear and panic, what these events showed, I think, is the advantages of taking global warming a bit more seriously. If we switch to a low carbon economy it would greatly help the fight against terror.

'Journalist': I'm here outside Glasgow Airport where, at 3.13, two terrorists attempted to ram the terminal entrance in an electric G-Wizz town car. Witnesses say the two-seater approached the terminal at speeds of up to 28 miles per hour, and smashed up against the revolving doors to the building, only to find that the door had a more powerful motor than the G-Wizz, and the car was soon trapped. One of the men then strapped several solar panels to himself and waited to catch fire...

---

JH: There was a lot of speculation, of course, as to whether the recent wave of failed car bomb attacks were the work of Al-Qaeda. The general consensus is that it was, but to be honest I'm not so sure. Think about the location of the first one: a nightclub called Tiger Tiger. I don't think it was Al-Qaeda. I'm pretty sure it was the work of William Blake fanatics. "Tiger, Tiger, burning bright"? We are dealing with fundamentalist poets.

'Terrorist': It is our goal to bring down a reign of iambic pentameter on anyone who does not appreciate the work of the romantics or the poets of the Renaissance. It is time to get metaphysical. We are the poetry terrorists. Who do you think has been planting those 'Poems on the Underground'? That's right - those nice posters are ours. Death to the limerick! Wordsworth be praised!

JH: They're dangerous, of course, but they're not as bad as the 'suicide poets'. They go to training camps in Japan to learn how to commit haiku.

Well, you've got to see the funny side, haven't you?

Reflections on Prominent Public Figures

Quite a few high-profile figures in the news in the last couple of days. How they have presented themselves has lead me to conclude the following:

• If you are a new PM having to make your first emergency address to the nation, and your predecessor was known for being media savvy, at the very least you could straighten your suit, stand up straight, and perhaps work on how you talk head-on to camera.
• If you are a member of the royal family, you probably shouldn't clap along to music as you just look daft and your timing is invariably out.
• Goodness knows how many thousands of pounds of private education and military training seem not to have rendered certain individuals capable of public speaking without consulting cue cards every five seconds.

Just my two pence worth, anyway.

More thoughts on the bombs

Ok, I know the revelation that there was, in fact, a second car bomb found today should make me feel a greater sense of gravity about this situation. But I couldn't help having an incredulous chuckle when I read this:

The second device was found in a blue 280E model Mercedes. It was given a parking ticket at 0230 BST on Friday after being found illegally parked in Cockspur Street. The vehicle was then towed to the Park Lane car pound about an hour later.

Traffic wardens are often accused of being over-zealous, but this has to take the biscuit for excess bureaucracy.

In all seriousness, though, the fact that the second car was originally in Cockspur Street makes me feel more convinced that the destination of the first car was Whitehall. Cockspur Street is the home of DCMS. Whitehall is the home of many more Government departments. It seems widely accepted that the timing of this just after the changeover of power and the formation of a new Cabinet is no coincidence. Whether the intention was structural damage, or loss of life, I really couldn't guess. I wouldn't even be surprised if it turned out that behind all of this was not an organisation, but an individual with a grudge.

Ah well. At least it's Saturday tomorrow.

Ginger's Guide to Commuting in the Midst of a Terror Alert

1. Discover that an area of central London is closed off due to the discovery off a bomb.
2. Realise that this will cause chaos for the part of your journey that involves the tube or a bus.
3. Look out the window. Note that it's bucketing down. Rule out walking.
4. Think, 'Sod it', and go back to bed until the rush hour and rain are over.
5. Proceed with journey as normal, experiencing no difficulties at all.

Glad to see I'm not the only Londoner feeling fairly unconcerned about things.* You have to just get on with it really. Otherwise 'they' will have won. Whoever 'they' are.

For what it's worth, I reckon that Haymarket wasn't the intended target. I mean, I once had a not very nice evening in Tiger Tiger, but I don't think it's bad enough to be detonated. I personally reckon the car was headed for somewhere more prominent (Westminster?) but that the bomb started to malfunction (reports say the car was found filled with vapour) and the driver got scared, dumped the car and ran. We shall see.

Ginger

*If anything I'm more upset by the news that, when I documented my failed attempt to visit Fopp last week, it seems more was afoot than mere stocktaking. The chain has closed permanently. :-(

If you were Tony Blair...

... wouldn't you have been tempted to stand up at the beginning of PMQ's and say, 'Actually, Gordon, I think I've changed my mind..."?

Glad to see Cherie being as gracious as ever. Honestly. Is she really a QC?